This is going to be a series of posts based on my real life experience. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or actual events that are and were not connected to me is purely coincidental.
In November 2018, while I was traveling to Singapore to visit family, I unexpectedly met someone who I thought was amazing. We talked, went out, and spent so much time together, I honestly thought I found my soulmate. So when he said he wanted to be together exclusive, I was over the moon.
There were so many red flags about him though that I noticed in the beginning (like how he didn’t keep his apartment keys and would just leave it hidden in one of his shoes in the shoe rack outside, how one of his flatmates asked me if I was the same girl who went there before, lies about things, how he would always be on his phone all the time and so quick to exit apps if I’m about to look at him, records and posts videos but pans it as if he is alone and will literally cut you off, etc). I discovered more later on but yes, I went blind for a brief moment because let me tell you, he will make you feel so good about yourself, he will act that he is there to support you, he will act sweet and for some reason you will feel wanted. He would go on your social media and like even the oldest post you have, engage on it everyday, sends you good morning, have a nice day and good night texts. He will tell you “You can stay, I want you stay” so you will feel desired and comforted. He will pick up a hobby just because you are interested in it, talks about something because he knows you like it. You would feel that he actually puts an effort and you will just ignore the initial red flags that you saw. Honestly, you look at him and you would think that he is such a sweet nice guy, almost looks innocent. Like who would have thought that this person is a pathological, manipulative, opportunist, narcissistic liar?
To be honest, writing this first post is so hard for me, because wow, I can’t believe I was that stupid to be with him for 3 months. It was a torture and I can’t believe I let myself fall into that trap, but you guys will understand the why and the how.
I wasn’t really passive, you know? Every time I caught him in a lie or I know something was up, I would ask him. But as soon as I confront him about his behavior, he will be upset and deny it, even going as far as making up stories (please wait for the part 2). This was making me crazy because I felt that “Oh wow, this isn’t my fault. Yes, I’m sorry that I didn’t trust you.” This technique is known as gaslighting, and according to a 2017 survey by YouGov, 33 percent of the women surveyed had been called “crazy” or “insane” by someone they were dating. Gaslighting is absolutely a form of manipulation. Why? Because if they refuse to answer your questions or concerns properly and directly, and instead, resorts to tell you that “you don’t trust me” for thinking whatever it is you’re thinking , or says you’re blowing things out of proportion, they are gaslighting you. For some reason, he knew exactly what to say to make me question my memory. He easily shifts and twists everything to make it seem that they are innocent and I was the one of accusing him. I guess that’s what happens when you get a lot of practice huh?
And looking back at what I had to go through with him, it gives me chills as to how he can directly look me in the eyes and just lie. As if he’s been doing that ever since. To think that he is just relatively new to Singapore (he’s Moroccan then moved to France then moved to Singapore), I cannot imagine as to how long he’s been lying and manipulating people. And I know for a fact that he doesn’t feel any guilt because as soon as he is done, he has already prepared his next move and ready to see another girl (Maybe pool party, clubs, yoga, brunch, drinks, who knows?)